Friday, February 24, 2012

Another day of winter: Looking for the ideal state of myself

Friday, February 24, 2012
Recently, whenever I am up to a certain task, I always wonder how good can I pull it off. No matter, homework, assignments, group tasks, etc. Sometimes I am unsure. Sometimes I feel not motivated enough. Sometimes I feel not being at my best state to do it.
It results in me not giving the best dedication that I should have given for the task.

From my point of view, the world is getting to look like those old pictures in sephia. Dull.
VERY DULL. I begin to question the purpose of everything that I do.

Why am I here. What am I doing. What I should do next. Why I should do it.

And yes, I am living within the community of engineering students, lecturers, and workers. Until now, I still wonder what are their sources of motivation whenever they are working on something. Is it money? Happiness? Why are they doing the thing that they do? Where is the source of their motivation and curiosity?

Every night before I sleep, I usually feel frustrated thinking of my lack of enthusiasm for the day. I don't know. There isn't much feeling of enjoyment in completing my assignments anymore. Not as much as it used to be.
I wonder if this means that I am bored?

Right now, out of 6 subjects that I am taking, there is only 2 that I can relate to my interest. The rest are SHIT that I have to make sure I know so that I am up to par with other people. I am not sure what others are thinking about this, but personally I think this is forced learning, and I do not enjoy it. And this is only the third year of university. God knows what I will deal with in the fourth year, wallahualam. I hope there will be something that I am interested in.

Well, *sigh*. Motivation. Motivation. Come to meeeee!!!

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