Winter 2012 activity

To do the important thing

Around 3 years ago, one of my current housemate argued with me jokingly, "if you continue living like this (not being so friendly with others), you would be lonely when you are old." Bothered me ever since. Not only because he made my future sounds so bleak, but due to the way he made old people sounds incapable of doing anything to alter their situation.

That latter obviously is true. Old people are susceptible to sickness, less mobility and motivation. Their appearance also begin to become what happens to "look old." Old people also may be less sexually attractive (from a young person point of view). But one thing I never thought of is how it conversely affect the idea of being young.

Then it occurs to me. What is so special about being young? To be specific, what is this fear that people have from being old?

At various times, I tried to imagine what I would be when I get older. Tried to imagine myself being sick, and not able to move from the bed. What's so bad about that? I could be happy as long as I don't pose people trouble. I may even have one or two significant-others-will-be that can feed and take care of me. If that's the case, then what kind of regret that I would have?
So I thought, if I continue this path of life I am taking, I don't have any problem to reach the kind of ending like above. Of course, I am simply assuming the ideal situation here, getting good job, good family, friendly surrounding, etc.

But I am probably missing something. There is definitely something in common with what people don't like about being old. I am not entirely sure myself. Perhaps I am not that wise enough to get it yet.
But still, I don't want to realize such thing only when I get old myself. That would be sad. "If I can only think about such a thing after I experienced it when I'm old, then it would be too late."

Then it occurred to me...
"Late for what?"

I almost answered that immediately. "To change."
"I want to know such a thing while I have the power to change."

I baffled.

That's true. The power to change. That's one thing that we all have while we are young.
Our attractiveness, our energy, our physical capability, those are all seems to be the fuel to change things around us.
Deep inside me, I think this could be the answer.

Sometimes I look at the shelves at book store, look at names of recorded historians that made change to the world. "So these are the people that fully use their youth," I thought.

And sometimes, I look at family members that I used to play with as a child now have their own big family. "So these are the people that use this power to raise future generation," I thought.

And at one time, when I play Assassins Creed Revelation... "So there are also people that regret for not being able to do anything despite have changed the country for good". I know... being a fictional character Ezio is, his case might be less relevant. But the fact that the game developer put such wisdom into the character shows that the idea of "power to change" is firm in their mind as well.

I need to do something. Something that I can do. 

Another day of Summer - Preparation

In about a week or so, people are going to celebrate Eid El Fitr. The road nearby my home is already frequently congested especially during weekends.

While everyone seems to be at it, I personally am trying to keep away from all those commotion.
I don't know, I find it hard to fit myself into the energetic environment with people talking here and there, making choices and stuff. Stress-ss! When I see those people bargaining, or choosing design for their baju melayu, there seems to be a strong white light emitting from their body, full with energy. In that situation, I will immediately find a place with no one a round, or in extreme situation, find a wall to lean on. Like a bat? Yeah, probably like a bat.

During this kind of time, especially with two weeks left before my holiday at Malaysia ends, I rather go to a quiet place, look at the sky, and sing a song to myself. REALLY!
Also... the idea of decorating my house, only to have those removed at a later date was a little bit, ... demotivating.
Am I looking at things the wrong way? Probably.

(I must get myself into the mood of an enthusiastic final year student.)

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I am glad that I went home for this holiday. I think of it as calming and refreshing my nearly-depleted soul before going all-out on the next war.

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

So, I would like to dedicate this music to myself, with the message, Work Hard! Don't give up, the future me!!


I compiled this music earlier using Adobe Audition. I used various tracks from a game. I think it fits the state of my mind that I am having right now ^^: a soulful preparation.